The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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