if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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