If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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