He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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