I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
