He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
