Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
