well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
