my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
