If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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