Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
