your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
