Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
third nipple confirmed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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