just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
