And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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