how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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