I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
