apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
