My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
