I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
