nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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