This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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