You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I want a musical about memes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
