Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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