honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
