right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
