Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
