i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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