A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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