It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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