we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
