I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
