he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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