you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wish my penis had a tongue
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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