I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
