I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Randomize
