I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
