In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
