k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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