hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
