so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
