Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
