Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
