i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
