About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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