Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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