ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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