Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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