I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
