I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
